ABANDON

By Darcie Thomas

I want to go

To run and pack my bag

To take the things that I love

And leave

To get on a train

A plane

A bus

To simply go

Where the darkness won't follow

Where the sad

Lonely

Scared

Little girl

Woman

Won't be

She will be happy

Brave

Confident

The woman you aspire to be

The one with no fear

No worries

No sadness

But she isn't there

The sad, lonely, scared little girl woman is still there

Still hiding beneath

Crying out for me to hold her

To love her

To embrace

To accept her

She came along with me when I left

Huddled herself into my bag

Folded herself tightly into a small space

Easily ignored

Forgotten

Not easily left behind

Just waiting

Patiently

For when I'll come back

Back to her

When the new place becomes lonely

Becomes sad

Becomes fearful

Because I am not the woman I aspire to be

As much as I run

Hide

Abandon

The sad lonely scared little girl woman follows

She always follows

Crying for acceptance

Begging for love

Hoping I'll look inwards instead of out

The place is merely a distraction

A short term reprieve

A holiday

It is not a home

The home is me

I am sorry for abandoning you